Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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