8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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