he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
