new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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