The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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