Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
