Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
