Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
