I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize