You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
