I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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