Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
