I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize