The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
