1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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