He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
