if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
