Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I didn't notice because vodka
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
