Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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