If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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