Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
