Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
