i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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