My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize