I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
