So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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