My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
