How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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