i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
