Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
