I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
