Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
