It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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