I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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