Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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