How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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