Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
