that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
