her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
