I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
