This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
