Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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