Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
