Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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