I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
