Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
