so explain again why im purple
no
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
