i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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