dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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