yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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