you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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