i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
