jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
