So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize