we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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