The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize