Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
