plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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