I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize