Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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