And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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