when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
