I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
