your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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