What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just googled if crying burns calories
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
