Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She told me I should be a condom model.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize