I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
