i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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