just tell him i said nine months
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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