In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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