her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
