i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize