This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
