I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well you can't waste a boner
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
