Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
