just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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