Kiss
Puke
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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