Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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