I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
