How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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