Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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