There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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