When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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