The best revenge is premature balding
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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