i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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