Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
