I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
