I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
