If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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