If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Someone signed my nipple.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
