We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
