So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
