Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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