She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
