my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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