Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
