I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize