i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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