Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
