you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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