My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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