brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
