I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
