i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize