Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
