i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
