Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
