are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
