Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
