fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
