About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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