I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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